What’s got you scared: When Women Openly Express Sexuality

In my experience, nothing makes the average Cameroonian/African guy more antsy than a woman who is comfortable enough with her sexuality to talk openly about it. Brag even…

Take this song for example:

Ciara apparently  knows her thing (enjoys it too!)  and she isn’t afraid to say it.

I can do it big, I can do it long
I can do it whenever or however you want
I can do it up and down, I can do it circles
To him I’m a gymnast, this room is my circus

Not many, I think, would take a girl like this  in stride. I can already see the guy’s raised eyebrows were a girl to make statements along these lines.

The questions about how come she can be  so bold.

The questions about how many men she’d slept with to be so allegedly good.

E don spoil. Na ashawo

And yes, that little (or big) thrill of interest – anticipation even, as he dares to imagine that she really is as good as she says she is.

So,  all the FindPalava’s out there, male and female, whats the deal? What is your preference and why?

8 thoughts on “What’s got you scared: When Women Openly Express Sexuality

  1. The reason for this wowing altitude is because generally men are quite comfortable talking about their sexuality especially to women and among themselves but not withstanding females on the contrary don’t even among themselves so it then turns to be stunning for a lady to express such confidence sexually. Another aspect to consider from an African context is that sex generally is considered A NO TALK ISSUE and women always think the men should be in control when it comes to sex without acknowledging it is a two way flow as sex leaves a mutual emotional satisfaction for both parties. Then you should know that men do love sex and would only turn to admire a woman who loves to have sex as well because the tendency is that she won’t ponder in engaging except other wise.So i must say it should be and its a good thing for women to openly express their sexuality it makes the relationship flows.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Papa Jelly,

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Your answer goes straight to what I believe is at the root of this issue: the fact that women are socialized not to embrace their sexual sides for fear of being branded negatively.And you are right. Among women ourselves sometimes,it is not easy having these discussions due to the fear of being judged.

      The point you raise about Africa though, sex did has not always been such a no talk issue, matter of fact us Africans used to be pretty open about these things. Check out this piece:


      It has also been my experience that once guys get over the initial shock of a girl liking sex and being confident about it, they ease up and actually start to appreciate the her openness. But is is sad that they feel this shock and that some women still feel they have to act a certain way.


  2. I’m here for women are not afraid to embrace their sexuality.
    ‘Partition’ by Queen Bey will forever be my favourite song. That READ in French in the song describes how I feel.


    Liked by 1 person

    • Mme ABY,

      That whole Beyonce album said so many things, every time I listen to it it feels like the first time. That little Julianne Moore vignette was truth though.

      Est-ce que tu aimes le sexe? Le sexe. Je veux dire, l’activité physique. Le coït. Tu aimes ça? Tu ne t’interesses pas au sexe? Les hommes pensent que les féministes détestent le sexe, mais c’est une activité très stimulante et naturelle que les femmes adorent.


      Do you like sex? Sex. I mean, the physical activity. Coitus. Do you like it? You’re not interested in sex? Men think that feminists hate sex, but it’s a very stimulating and natural activity that women love.

      And to think that a lot of the criticism she got for that album focused on how aggressive and sexual she was in it. My thoughts on Beyonce’s feminism and sex here

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You can say this over and over again Find Palava lady! The exact same reaction from someone saying that he doesn’t like this our new era of liberation. This was because of the newly created “Afriqsutra” page & me sharing pictures of a friend “Curves Illustrated” debut party where she unveiled her calendar. My response, wow we are liberated? Why can these not be discussed in public? Oh these topics should be limited to the bedroom! That was a typical reaction from a Camer guy! Thanks again for the post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you IRepCamer! Once again, the discussion of women’s sexuality is under pressure to happen within parameters which have not been set by us women and that is not right. Hopefully Afriqsutra elevates the conversation especially for us Cameroonian women.


  4. Great write there..This is a topic that we have to still put forward because our Cameroonian men like wise women are still way back when it comes to talk about sexuality. A woman who so bold should be an A as you said.

    Liked by 1 person

Eh heh... Tell me what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s